Friday, February 27, 2004


Fuck Farmers

I'm having a horrible day. Let's see... the assholes at Farmers decide to cancel my car insurance because my payment was a couple days late. Maybe if you have a online payment system that actually worked my fuckin payment wouldn't have been late. Instead you force me to write fucking checks to you every month. It's the only bill I pay with a check and snail mail. How can you expect it to be on time. Fuck you Farmers. You're officially on my shit list and I'll be calling you to give you a piece of my mind soon. Eat a dick.

Too Funny

sun: just go home for awhile and lets take a nap
HB: LET'S?
sun: i'll even keep my hands off u
HB: i don't think you can
HB: even from 2K miles away
HB: and being in the state that i'm in... i may even cave in
HB: ;-)

Tuesday, February 24, 2004


Bonus Received

Yay!!! I received a pleasant suprise today when my manager ducked into my cube and asked "Do you have a second?". I figured either I"m either about to get canned or I'm being handed another project that's going to kill me. I replied "aight" and walked over to her cubicle. I was greeted with a pleasant surprise: my yearly bonus. This whole time I figured we wouldn't be receiving anything this year due to all those cuts in January. Now that I think about it, all those cuts probably allowed us to get bonuses this year. Who the hell knows or cares. I'm estatic and this couldn't have come at a better time. It isn't too much... But it is larger than a single paycheck :D

Monday, February 23, 2004


TV Hallucinations

The new TV is huge. Possibly a little too big for this tiny ass apartment. Regular standard direct tv just doesn't do it any justice. I'm seriously eyeing that HDTV receiver now but like I said previously it just isn't feasible. Until them I'm going to enjoy these dvds again. I'm sure viewing them on this system will result in a completely different experience. I do have one minor complaint about the TV: there's an extremely subtle static "tick" coming from it. It occurs every 3-5 mins randomly. It's so subtle that K doesn't even notice it. In fact she thinks I'm hallucinating. I'm positive I'm not... More on this later.


Go Rox

The Houston Rockets face their arch enemy, the bitch ass Spurs tomorrow. We desperately need this win to avoid getting swept. Come on Rox.. have a little pride and go ballz out tomorrow otherwise you must the fact you are the worst NBA team in Texas. Hopefully Dunc and the boys ate some of that bird flu chicken spreading in South Central Texas ;-)


Time Management

I have a serious problem with time management. It's something I've never been able to grasp even since I was a child. I spend too much time chatting with ppl online, staring at stupid websites, or just sitting anywhere doing absolutely nothing. The successful hacking of myself strongly depends on mastering this elusive skill. Somehow.. someway. Figure it out man...


Case Closed

I've always longed to close her. I've spent probably hundreds of hours, albeit enjoyable hours, trying. Now I forgot why I started in the first place. What was the original objective? Was it Obj #1:To get her in the sack or Obj #2: To make her fall hard for me? Was it both? I don't even remember anymore. Now, in an honest, unbiased examination, I've come to this realization that either objective is possible and each has been possible for quite some time... and is frankly, today's current reality. The first objective was achieved probably a year or two ago and she hinted it when she said what she said last year. I still didn't get it. Even after HTown I still didn't get it. Today it hit me in the side of the head.. its a done deal. It's there if you want it.. Do I stop here or continue to on to Obj #2?? Although my chance at attaining this goal is highly possible, our distance apart truly prevents it. Who knows what I'll do about it...


Runaway Jury

By the way, Runaway Jury is an awesome movie. It's truly John Grisham's best film adaptation yet. More later... when I learn how to properly and verbosely critique a movie.

Thursday, February 19, 2004


A Much Needed Upgrade

I had a nice writeup for this but something happened and it got deleted.. Anyways, the old Samsung finally died today. After a series of snap, crackle, and pops the thing made an eerie sounding screech and poof... the display was gone. Good to know you my dear friend. You've been the best. We've watched over ten thousand flicks and you've had three different game consoles attached to you over time. RIP playa... Now I had no choice but to finally come out of pocket. After hours of research about hdtv/hdcp/dvi I hopped in the ride and swerved through traffic to get to the local Best Buy. End result: Arriving Saturday (lets hope) I present to you... the Mitsubishi WT-42313 HDTV Monitor and the Samsung DVD-HD931 DVI DVD player. I initially wanted to get the whole HDTV setup but after careful consideration I decided against picking up that HDTV receiver. Other than for the NBA playoffs coming up and all those PPV movies HDTV just isn't really that important right now. Plus, it really isn't in the Q2 budget. If football season was starting tomorrow.. surely, without hesitation, but it isn't. Instead I opted for the best dvd player on the planet, one that will allow for HDTV quality from standard DVD, 1080i for you gearheads. Too bad I've gotta wait 2 days for the gear to arrive. For now I have to suffer through two nights with no TV.

Wednesday, February 18, 2004


On its Last Legs

I've you've actually been paying any attention lately you probably know that I generally refrain from talking discussing materialistic things and the means to obtain them. After all, anyone can talk about shit like that. I tried to bring something special to my readers (haha like anyone actually reads this), something from within. That being said, I'm going to contradict myself and talk about a major purchase in the near future: a big ass TV. Old reliable, 27" Samsung circa 1994, has been making annoying static-type sounds for a couple days now and I'm certain it on its last legs. It lasted longer than I every could've expected. The number of movies we've seen on the thing easily surpasses 10,000. We've watched thousands of sporting events, sitcoms, pornos, etc. It's even lasted through numerous game consoles. It's an end of an era... finally. In to replace the oldie but goodie I'm going to go ahead and splurge on a nice 42" TV, most likely a Mitsubishi, and a sweet progressive scan dvd player. It'll be worth every penny if it can provide this same type of utility the Samsung provided (even in half the time). I'm very excited.. I can't wait to see Lexus Locklear in action on HDTV ;-)


She's "Vulnerable"

M is my favorite sparring partner. She's kind of like my Quality Assurance department before I begin field-testing a move. I'm sure I serve a similar purpose for her too. It's been that way for quite awhile now and I am lucky to have her around. Problem is she just broke up with her BF so she isn't quite the same. Although she's been a little more uninhibited, at the same time she's been overly sensitive so she has a problem dealing with some of my "blows". Keep ya head up girl...

"I'm an ice cream lover....
and you're my favorite flavor"
--Air

Tuesday, February 17, 2004


V-Day 2004 Continued.

Last night I took K out to Cortez Restaurant (link), for a belated Valentine's Day dinner. She looked absolutely stunning in some nice tight pants and a slinky low-cut blouse. I looked pretty fucking sharp myself. The overall style of Cortez was fresh. It combined an elegant art deco decor with California-French cuisine on small tapas style plates. The clientele consisted of older business execs and their wives or secretaries. Not exactly the hippest crowd but hey it beats the cheesiness of a bunch of young couples celebrating v-day. The food was impressive, to me at least. My favorites were the Croque Madame and the Ahi and as for the wine... we had a bottle of Syrah, Neyers Napa, 2001. K for the most part enjoyed the meal but complained about a couple dishes being a little bland but then again she's a perfectionist when it comes to food. Overall I enjoyed getting drunk with my beautiful wife as we ate a wonderful meal. Back at the pad...

I turned on some sexy jams. Not you're typical romantic quiet storm type stuff... I try to be more innovative than that. I put on some sexy but more upbeat songs, danceable songs... you know: gentlemen's club songs. I pulled up a chair and she gave me about 6-7 freaky lapdances. hooo weee. The rest of the evening to the early morning was pretty xxx-rated and I'd prefer not to share it ;-) I remember waking up butt nekkid around 7am to savor a pint of gatorade in bed. That hit the spot. Don't forget to stretch next time before v-day sex.


Random Quickies

I've been making signficant strides in finishing up these two classes I've been taking. I'm actually on pace to complete one lesson per week in each class... and earn excellent grades as well. Very impressive. Keep it up.

Here's my fant fb keeper squad: QB TBrady, RB THenry, RB CDillon, WR CJohnson, WR HWard. I'm a little shaky at RB since Dillon's status is uncertain and theres rumors out of Buffalo that McGahee and THenry may split carries. Ouch. Most likely I draft the best available RB in next season's supplementary draft.

You know that scene in 25th Hour when the character played by Edward Norton goes into a restroom, sees "Fuck you" scribbled on the mirror. He proceeds to go off on everyone including his father, this gf and even his boys. Yeah I love that scene. I can totally relate to it. It makes me feel so good.


Sunday, February 15, 2004


STAND BRAVELY IN THE FACE OF DANGER

For the struggles that lie ahead
Strength comes from within
From an innate will to survive
You must find a way to rediscover it
Some how some way
It's what will make or break you
Don't ever forget it

Saturday, February 14, 2004


New Link Placeholder


Economist.com | The science of love

Haven't had time to read the entire article.. appropriate for V-Day i guess

Peep Show Stories
Yeah I'm a perv

The Rules For An Affair

philosophical conversations

Chaser hangover prevention from alcohol abuse effects
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Wednesday, February 11, 2004


Disclaimer

I've come to this realization that this blog really is out in the open. It's freely available to anyone on the entire planet with an internet connection. This was certainly not my intention as I left the private flag set when I first set this up. O well there's not much I can do about it now... As you could probably tell if you've even attempted to read any of this most of it is written by myself for myself. So if you've happened to stumble upon this site please keep that in mind. In case you're wondering about my gratitious use of urban slang... jeah i'm pretty ghetto.. daym proud of it too. Enjoy :)

Tuesday, February 10, 2004


On Meta-Hacking

Ok. There's a concept thats been burning in my mind for quite some time now. I'm fairly certain I've touched on it before. That concept is Meta-Hacking. It was first introduced to me by Simple Nomad's article on his NMRC page (viewable in it's entirety here: Simple Nomad's DefCon 11 Rant):

To understand the truth about something like a computer is to not only understand how the components fit together, how they interact, when they can be bent or broken, when you can exploit sublevels of trust between components to bypass a control -- it is also about understanding that computer's placement within a network of others. Understanding that the computer, whether placed in the home or in the office, is a reflection of the user that stores their data on it. Understanding that the data itself, when coupled with other computers on the network near it, tell such interesting stories, like who controls the company, who hides the company secrets, or who controls the cash flow. Hacking business processes, hacking corporate culture, controlling the flotsam and jetsam in the digital flow. And hacking becomes meta-hacking. Imagine tying companies within the same industry together at this level, then industries, then governments and nation states.

Is that too big? No. We cannot think in those terms anymore. Like it or not, hacking has changed. We have to think big. Hacking is not just about seeing the limits of a computer system, or even the limits of the political world that has risen up around the modern-day hacker. Hacking is about understanding the system, the complete system. You must hack yourself. Not the digital self, because there is truly no division anymore. We are plugged in, and there ain't no going back. We *have* to hack ourselves. Not just the surface tension that is wrapped in a nym, but the core of your hacker self. Explore mental ring zero. Live to hack, and hack to live.

This is the future of meta-hacking, not just controlling the operating system, but controlling and influencing what the operators of that system do -- whether those operators do what they do for good or ill, and whether that system is a computer, a political set of ideals, or your own thought processes.


Others trained in my discipline can certainly understand this raw concept. We, as traditional old-school hackers, believe that computers or even electronic systems can be manipulated even in ways in which the system was not originally designed. That's the basis of hacking isn't it? Even in the realm of crackers, the bad guys exploit systems to attain entry which leads to data theft or whatever arbitrary digital prize. Now with this foundation, is it possible to extend this concept to the real world? How about to the metaphysical world? Could the methods employed by brilliant hackers be used to in the real world. Instead of making a poorly coded binary surreptitiously invoke a root shell could one use the similar principles and methodologies to for example secure a highly sought job or even to seduce a highly elusive woman? I'm sure hundreds of parallel ideas exist in psychology (Neuro Linguistic Programming) or self-help texts that attempt to accomplish the same thing: increased control of one's life. Meta-Hacking is different only in that it is based on technology... but in reverse. After all, wasn't computer logic built to mirror the logic of the human brain? Could a reverse relationship be utilized to accomplish goals in the real world? Trust me, I'll expand on this further...



At least she admits it

suntzu: hey.. i gotta go to my annual conference this yr
suntzu: choices are
suntzu: portland, honolulu, colorado springs, chicago, vancouver, balitimore
m: HONOLULU
suntzu: hehehe
m: hawaii would be AWESOME
m: i'd go
m: ;)
suntzu: i was thinking chicago or vancouver.. more realistic
suntzu: and besides.. me and you in hawaii.. that would be dangerous
m: me and you anywhere is dangerous
m: why do you think i've said no?

Resistance is futile baby girl...

Monday, February 09, 2004


Free Flowin

So I'm sitting here dranking some sorry ass wine, Montepulaciano D' Abruzzo 2001 to be exact. I ain't no wine expert but daym this wine sux azz. Why do I judge any alcoholic beverage by the strength of buzz i brangs? Seriously tho it really tastes like a dirty wet towel dipped in two buck chuck.

Rockets are getting waxed as expected. Spurs defense got them on some serious lockdown. They can't get shots off no matter how much they swich the ball around. This feud between jvg and franchise must really be affecting their play. Fuck it... trade Stevie.. lil bitch h0e. Bring in someone with some nutz. This is really embarrassing. I'm gonna have to hear it from C tomorrow... again.

Why did I drink tonight? Because I was expecting a fucking phone call? Remember you were supposed to study?? Down by 11 shoulda bet the farm on SA. Fuck loyalty. Its all about paper son. Note to future self... if i really need a drink or two to feel smoother around her... take two shots ONCE she calls. Amen. She's got another dood (and god knows how many other chix) she's going to confide in first. She's human... and as much I wanna hit that... I'm married and she's a kewl ass friend. Ass is the key word. I love my wife. I miss my wife. Sux she's on the rag. hehehe.

Theres an avlimil commercial on. It's supposed to increase a woman's libido. Imma start dropping that in bitches drinks.. just kidding. Rox making a half-hearted comeback. brb.

Robert Horry u a bitch.

I Live a Crazy Life

I've come to this realization in the fact that I live a uniquely crazy-ass life. I mean.. who else can do it like me? I'm a high level engineer in the computer security world. I've got security clearances that would make me a target to the KGB. I could do some serious damage if I was an evil person. Seriously. Amazingly I'm don't have an engineering or computer science degree; I'm entirely self-taught. I managed to learn the most mundane tasks of the job completely on my own. In order to accomplish that I feel you have to possess an obscenely high IQ or have no social life. My IQ is average and my social life is excessive. Secondly I'm taking classes in an effort to finish my degree (in economics). This takes up a good percentage of my weekends and weeknights. Although I've been slacking in the past few months, I'm still in good position to earn A's or B's in both courses. Ok now to the crazy stuff... I'm a degenerate gambler. I probably study boxscores and expert analyses more than I study UNIX or economics put togher. I drink too damn much... possibly 4-5 times a week. Also, although I haven't been doing it lately, I excercise regularly. I'm married with a beautiful wife (who needs a lot of attention). Let's see what else... I'm a fiend for tv and movies and hang out on the couch way too much. I have yet to develop the discipline of not having to watch every damn game I have action on. I keep in touch with most of my friends in H-Town and in other cities. I find a way to still look stylish and attractive to the ladies. I blog too damn much. And top of all this.. I sleep 8-9 hours a day. Let's see if you fade that...

A Not So Valiant Attempt

Damn that weekend seemed way too short. Although it wasn't retrogressive it wasn't exactly progressive either. I'm behind on alot of shit: work, finances, school. What can I say... at least I tried. Friday night and Saturday morning-afternoon was spent on school work. The amount of work I actually got done was surprising as I finished it all except for 2 essay questions. Later that evening wifey and I drove out to Pleasanton for a get together over at my ex-coworkers (yes, the one who got laid off). I gotta say it was very admirable of him to throw a party after what's happened. The ping pong and foosball kept everyone happy albeit sober. Overall it was pretty fun but I felt like I had to hold myself back. I wouldn't want my coworkers to think I had a drinking problem or anything... Afterwards, K and I shot pool at TGE. Suprisingly she's getting better. She even beat me a couple times by running 3-4 balls to get out. I really need to practice more. O jeah.. the supreme nachos were disappointing there. Sunday, I was a complete bum: Chilled on the couch while eating a 15" Philly cheesesteak and poky, and drinking cherry cokes. While putting on about 15 pounds I watched arena football, nba, oceans eleven, and brown sugar, and the pro bowl (further evidence that vegas can fix games). I guess I forgot to hit the gym and study. Later that evening, after realizing I was sick of all the discs in the changer, I proceeded to make some cd's: My Third Eye Blind Greatest Hits CD, and Another Level (Hip Hop). I also burned some other crap for the car: New Order - Get Ready, Garbage - Version 2.0, Maxell - Urban Hang Suite, and Dido - Life for Rent. O yeah, Dido, in case you're reading this... our sex would not be desolate. Now here I am on a Monday.. trying to work. Ouch.

Friday, February 06, 2004


Another Day, Another Dolla

That's my favorite saying.

Work has been demanding. I code, test, read others code, curse at code. Remember back in like 95-96 when I used to devour tcp/ip and c programming books. I'd check for the latest issue for phrack 3 or 4 times a day. I'd have 4 different boxes running 4 OS's in my room. I'd spend hours on IRC talking to d00ds named plexor and mrmannx about that new sendmail exploit. I used to break into CompassNet and crack password files and share with my buddies on IRC. I didn't know shit. I was such a wannabe. But that's all I did day and night. I didn't give a shit about pulling h0ez at the club or the latest jordans on my feet. I didnt' even kick it with my friends much and when I didn't all I talked about was hacking. I know they thought I was nuts. Oh how things have changed... I just wish I could regain some of that passion I once had. It's not like I'm sick of it but it just isn't the same as it was before. The coolness factor has diminished. You have winderz dweebs who don't respect the game as your peers. You have busters, albeit intelligent busters, who escaped the slums of india by getting A's in oracle class as your competition. They all got into the game for money.. I didn't. I got in for the intellectual challenge, for the satisfaction of pursuit and finally capture. I did it cuz I thought i was the coolest thing ever. It epitomized me in every way for I was rebellious, unconventional, mad at the world yet motivated enough that I felt I could truly change it. Not much has changed huh...

In retrospect I owe alot to those 2-3 years of immersing myself in the computer underground. I probably wouldn't be where I am today. I'm so lucky to have found my true calling. It got me into the legitimate world of "computer security". A world of change requests and concurrent version systems. I make an above average salary to write code and secure systems. I just wish it didn't feel like a job. Some how some way I must get that passion back.. Hack to live.. live to hack.

Thursday, February 05, 2004


About me

So I'm sitting here waiting on this damn server to reboot... I figured that self-actualization is the first step.

- Indecisiveness is my biggest problem
- Slothfulness and propensity to procrastinate are not far behind
- I wish I possessed that same insatiable hunger for computers/systems knowledge as I did 8 years ago
- When I am 100% no one can stop me... no one
- Women have always caused my downfall
- If I didn't need a day job I'd become a professional gambler
- I'd die if sports didn't exist
- I'm a totally different person when I'm depressed
- I wish only I depended on myself
- Although I drink excessively at times I'm not an alcoholic... honestly
- My boss favors me for some reason
- I'm very unorganized
- I was a rabbit in my previous life
- I'm a good guy on the bad side
- Ignorant people piss me off
- I'm extremely wise for my age but I have a problem showing it
- I hate public speaking
- Age ain't nuthin but a number (just kidding)

Wednesday, February 04, 2004

FYI.. that last post was written today. I've really been stressed with work and school. It's like I'm still just trying to get in position to start catching up. Better get to it....

Right on the money, Wrong on the rest

Two days removed from the Tahoe trip and I think I've finally caught up on my sleep. Wednesday night we chilled at the house and played alot of madden, drank, and talked alot of smack. C had some unorthodox but effective skills but I topped in in 3 out of 5 games. Yes, and that includes one game where I reset after he was up 14-0. He could not stop the deep bomb to Driver and I had problems containing McNabb. We all ended up drinking until about 6am. Ouch. Funniest moment of the evening occurred when we were trying to use M's access key to get into her building's front door. The key was designed to be inserted into the receptacle but we could not for the life of us get it to grant us entry. Due to too much drink and the sexual nature of the task we began teasing the "hole" and stroking it in different ways. For the most part we were unsuccessful I did get her to comply once. Too bad the timing was all wrong (we were leaving at the time).

Thursday I ran a bunch of errands and we all ended up at the Thirsty Bear for tapas and some of their homegrown microbrew. P and M came through and we got lit at the restaurant and ended up back at the house for some more madden. I guess I just can't drink beer like I used to since I remember stumbling home.

Fri morning it was Tahoe time. We finally ended up leaving around 5:30 and made it to Heavenly around 10-10:30. The place looked deserted and all but two lifts were closed on the Nevada side. I'm sure it worse on the California side. We really didn't have much choice so we made the best of it. Everyone got pretty banged up since they never boarded/skied before. My bindings really pissed me off. I think the calibration is really fucked up. Back at the cabin we rented we drank some more and played cards. P and I got into it a little due to the fact I was over-anxious to get to the casino. I guess we just had different ideas on how the weekend should go. He wanted to party (booze.. and some other stuff) while I wanted to law low, drink moderately and gamble at the casino. My reasoning was we had to hit the slopes again in the morning and he felt that he should've gone to Htown instead if we weren't going to do shit. Oh well. Improper planning I guess. We finally ended up hitting the casino around 11pm and man.. it looked like a vegas fight night in there. I don't think I've ever seen so many beautiful women in a casino before.

Sat morning I woke up pretty agg'd since fools were sitting around watching MTV taking their sweet time. It was a beautiful day... possibly the best I've seen in awhile and I'm the only one rushing. I'm sure everyone was pretty annoyed with me. Oh well. Being in SF has really changed me. I think I'm a little too mission critical now and I find it harder to relax. I really need to work on this. That night K and I ended up getting into it because I was in a really bad mood. I swear when I have crap on my mind I'm really not a pleasant person to be around. Even my money doesn't want to be around me during times like this. I really didn't lose much but man I was grumpy afterwards. I really need to work on this too.

Sunday.. Super Sunday. After sitting around with C pondering every fucking detail about the big game we finally made it to the casino and dropped a few large bets. CAR +7.5 (bought a half point). We ended up watching the game back at the cabin. Lets just say I was more than stressed. At times I couldn't even watch the game. Instead I paced outside and kicked snow around. CAR ended up covering and we ended up getting dranked. I remember drinking yac straight out of the bottle after it was locked. C did too. We hit the casino again and I proceeded to win a couple more bills at the blackjack table (after losing a bill at the craps table). C didn't even make it to the sports book to collect his winnings. Ouch...Even if i yacked all over the truck and couldn't stand up (like C did) trust me I'd find a way to collect them dimes. All go tho I think he got paid finally the next morning. Whew.

The drive back Monday morning was rough. I was down on some ambien and kept having delusions that I was falling asleep and the truck was hydroplaning. Again, I was not pleasant person to be around. Relax man... please learn to relax. All is fine. That night we ate at Ace Wasabi, stopped by Blondies in the Mission, and finally ended up at TGE for a couple games of pool.

My writing really doesn't do the actual occurences any justice. I'm just too busy to focus on this and give it too much thought. Possibly I'll tweak this entry later. All good.

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