Do you ever notice when you're genuinely happy and you smile at your son he almost always smiles back with the same genuine fervor?
Do you notice when your attitude is very positive your daughter always responds back with the same positivity despite being in the midst of a tantrum?
It never fails.
It's like these kids (pre-3 yr old as far as I know) possess an innate bullshit detector that we all lose as we get older. Actually we don't lose it but it transforms into different type of BS detector --one that detects layers and layers of bullshit, I guess.
What does that tell you?
If you desire a specific positive behavior from a child (good temperment, good grades, etc) you must be true to them. And that means you can't pretend you've been doing positive things when you've really been out there with your homies snorting coke or screwing whores. A consistency between what you've actually been doing and what you want to present yourself as been doing needs to exist and needs to be legit.
Kids can see through your charlatan ass.
Keep it real, always.
Lead by example.
Showing posts with label parenthood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenthood. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Memo From Child to Parent
Memo From
A Child To Parents
1. Don't spoil me. I know quite well that I ought not to have all I ask for. I'm only testing you.
2. Don't be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer it, it makes me feel secure.
3. Don't let me form bad habits. I have to rely on you to detect them in the early stages.
4. Don't make me feel smaller than I am. It only makes me behave stupidly "big".
5. Don't correct me in front of people if you can help it. I'll take much more notice if you talk quietly with me in private.
6. Don't make me feel that my mistakes are sins. It upsets my sense of values.
7. Don't protect me from consequences. I need to learn the painful way sometimes.
8. Don't be too upset when I say "I hate you". Sometimes it isn't you I hate but your power to thwart me.
9. Don't take too much notice of my small ailments. Sometimes they get me the attention I need.
10. Don't nag. If you do, I shall have to protect myself by appearing deaf.
11. Don't forget that I cannot explain myself as well as I should like. That is why I am not always accurate.
12. Don't put me off when I ask questions. If you do, you will find that I stop asking and seek my information elsewhere.
13. Don't be inconsistent. That completely confuses me and makes me lose faith in you.
14. Don't tell me my fears are silly. They are terribly real and you can do much to reassure me if you try to understand.
15. Don't ever suggest that you are perfect or infallible. It gives me too great a shock when I discover that you are neither.
16. Don't ever think that it is beneath your dignity to apologize to me. An honest apology makes me feel surprisingly warm towards you.
17. Don't forget I love experimenting. I couldn't get along without it, so please put up with it.
18. Don't forget how quickly I am growing up. It must be very difficult for you to keep pace with me, but please do try.
19. Don't forget that I don't thrive without lots of love and understanding, but I don't need to tell you, do I?
20. Please keep yourself fit and healthy. I need you.
A Child To Parents
1. Don't spoil me. I know quite well that I ought not to have all I ask for. I'm only testing you.
2. Don't be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer it, it makes me feel secure.
3. Don't let me form bad habits. I have to rely on you to detect them in the early stages.
4. Don't make me feel smaller than I am. It only makes me behave stupidly "big".
5. Don't correct me in front of people if you can help it. I'll take much more notice if you talk quietly with me in private.
6. Don't make me feel that my mistakes are sins. It upsets my sense of values.
7. Don't protect me from consequences. I need to learn the painful way sometimes.
8. Don't be too upset when I say "I hate you". Sometimes it isn't you I hate but your power to thwart me.
9. Don't take too much notice of my small ailments. Sometimes they get me the attention I need.
10. Don't nag. If you do, I shall have to protect myself by appearing deaf.
11. Don't forget that I cannot explain myself as well as I should like. That is why I am not always accurate.
12. Don't put me off when I ask questions. If you do, you will find that I stop asking and seek my information elsewhere.
13. Don't be inconsistent. That completely confuses me and makes me lose faith in you.
14. Don't tell me my fears are silly. They are terribly real and you can do much to reassure me if you try to understand.
15. Don't ever suggest that you are perfect or infallible. It gives me too great a shock when I discover that you are neither.
16. Don't ever think that it is beneath your dignity to apologize to me. An honest apology makes me feel surprisingly warm towards you.
17. Don't forget I love experimenting. I couldn't get along without it, so please put up with it.
18. Don't forget how quickly I am growing up. It must be very difficult for you to keep pace with me, but please do try.
19. Don't forget that I don't thrive without lots of love and understanding, but I don't need to tell you, do I?
20. Please keep yourself fit and healthy. I need you.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Don't Praise Innate Ability
From what is becoming my favorite blog:
* Praise for effort:
- imbues kids with a greater sense of control over their lives
- leads to improved study habits and grades
“When we praise children for their intelligence," explains Dweck, "we tell them that this is the name of the game: Look smart, don’t risk making mistakes . . . Emphasizing effort gives a child a variable that they can control. They come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child’s control, and it provides no good recipe for responding to a failure."
Something my wife needs to read. Here in its entirety: http://geniusblog.davidshenk.com/2007/02/interesting_pie.html
* Praise for effort:
- imbues kids with a greater sense of control over their lives
- leads to improved study habits and grades
“When we praise children for their intelligence," explains Dweck, "we tell them that this is the name of the game: Look smart, don’t risk making mistakes . . . Emphasizing effort gives a child a variable that they can control. They come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child’s control, and it provides no good recipe for responding to a failure."
Something my wife needs to read. Here in its entirety: http://geniusblog.davidshenk.com/2007/02/interesting_pie.html
Monday, January 15, 2007
Raising High Acheivers
I came across this this book at B&N yesterday. I found the title interesting yet stereotypical and automatically assumed what was contained in it was probably dangerous. Despite my instinct to call bullshit I made a mental note to read about it anyways. I mean, who doesn't want to give their kids a scholastic edge? Besides, I promise to read it with slight skepticism and tweak it to incorporate some of my own beliefs.
Asian parents secrets in raising high achievers:
1) Instill a love and need to learning and education
2) Instill a sense of family pride and loyalty
3) Instill a respect and desire for delayed gratification and sacrifice
4) Clearly define your child's role as a student
5) Cultivate a respect for elders and persons in positions of authority
6) Play an active role in your child's education
7) Determine and develop your child's individual talents
8) Set clearly defined short-term and long-term goals
9) Teach your child the art of valuing academic success over social status or popularity
10) Reward positive school performances and devise a plan of attack for poor school performances
11) Forget the "Do whatever makes you happy" mentality and strive for professions with financial security and intellectual fulfillment
12) Keep your money in perspective
13) Limit extracurricular activities that interfere with schoolwork
14) Promote an environment of healthy competition
15) Surround your children with similarly minded friends and role models
16) Accept responsibility for your children for their failures at school
Asian parents secrets in raising high achievers:
1) Instill a love and need to learning and education
2) Instill a sense of family pride and loyalty
3) Instill a respect and desire for delayed gratification and sacrifice
4) Clearly define your child's role as a student
5) Cultivate a respect for elders and persons in positions of authority
6) Play an active role in your child's education
7) Determine and develop your child's individual talents
8) Set clearly defined short-term and long-term goals
9) Teach your child the art of valuing academic success over social status or popularity
10) Reward positive school performances and devise a plan of attack for poor school performances
11) Forget the "Do whatever makes you happy" mentality and strive for professions with financial security and intellectual fulfillment
12) Keep your money in perspective
13) Limit extracurricular activities that interfere with schoolwork
14) Promote an environment of healthy competition
15) Surround your children with similarly minded friends and role models
16) Accept responsibility for your children for their failures at school
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