Peyton and Donovan I hate you

All week I've been saying New England and Carolina. All fucking week. Now how is it when I call my bookie I say "Indy and Philly"?? Confidently too. Why am I such an idiot? Luckily I didn't lose much but still I could've used that damn scratch. Especially with this Tahoe trip coming up and all these mounting bills. Argh.

Lessons Learned 2nd Edition

1) Try not to second guess yourself. If you're undecided and feel like you can go either way but liked one side over another for whatever reason. Try to stick with it... unless you have significant reason to go the other way. Your first choice is always 50.00001% better.

2) Public/Vegas theories don't appear to work for NFL playoffs.

3) Study long... study wrong. Nuff said.

Weekend Recap

Other than today's costly loss my weekend was sweet. Friday was spent at home relaxing with the wife. Eating, Movies, Madden, Sex... repeat. Saturday was fun too. I spent most of the day wandering aimlessly around Union Square window shopping. Some might consider this very counter productive... not me. I like knowing whats out there just in case I have the sudden urge to buy something I can do it intelligently. I know... lame. Armani, Benetton, Macys, North Face, NikeTown, Urban Outfitters, Sisley, Virgin, Footlocker, J Crew... repeat (every 2-3 weeks or so).

After all that I had some greek food purchased from Whole Foods. Average at best. Then I met up with G for some drinks and pool. This dood decides to take me on a tour of the Tenderloin bar/pool scene. Enter bar, drink two ketel one crans, shoot a game or two, drive off to next bar... repeat 3-4 times.

Ouch. I was bent mayne. Luckily the missus was passed out and didn't notice me in my drunken state. I even remember throwing up before sleeping. I haven't done that in over a year I think.

Woke up today.. hungover and very dehydrated. What a beautiful day. Sunny, 70's. Pefect day for Pho, Football, and chillin around 9th and Irving with S and G. You know the rest... Pho Store, Mucky Duck, S's house, Citrus Club, TGE. I'd get into more detail but I really don't feel like writing. Gonna lay down and read.

M and the Over

Over me that is... M actually called me today after we traded a few txt messages. She got broked too. Sounded like she wanted some consoling from a fellow degenerate. Too bad I couldn't talk since I was accompanied by the wife. It's refreshing to know we're communicating again though. I guess she's finally over me. 20... the number of days it takes a woman to get over me. J/K.. I have no idea what's in her mind ;-)

Some nice links.

Fleshbot
smart porn

http://www.ecn.org/sexyshock/start.swf
minimal pr0n (for some reason creating the link wouldn't work.

Spartan
My favorite director's next movie release: Spartan by David Mamet. Mark your calendars.

Welcome to Engrish.com!
Can't forget this site...

Joe's Eclectic Thoughts
An political, legal, sports blog I found randomly. Fairly interesting.

Boing Boing: A Directory of Wonderful Things
The new slashdot??

Adobo cookin in the Far East
Random Blog... seems interesting. Haven't read too much.

Monkey off my back

I guess the news is out. We've suffered a loss in our group and it wasn't painful at all. He actually seems happier than he was before. 6 months of severance would probably make me happy too. But was it all worth it? All that stress and anguish. For what? Man I really gotta learn that worrying does NO good whatsoever. Try to get that into the head of a worry-worm though.

Anyways, I was pretty relieved to find out it wasn't me leaving this relaxing and convenient job. When she told me I just breathed out and tried to contain any facial expressions. I couldn't even look at her. I didn't want her to see me smile. Today she held an impromptu meeting just to brief us on the big picture: our titles were changing, who else got cut, etc. Most importantly, she reminded us that what just happened is neither good nor bad. It's just something that happened. Don't try to judge it. If we didn't face certain hardships in our past we wouldn't be together as a group now. Your best bet is just to embrace it. Amen. I love my boss.

After getting off work, I guess you could say I was joyous, to say the least. I kept yelling "Hey mayne i got a yab, still".... about a hundred times. The wife was clearly annoyed. But relieved at the same time for she knew I'd was no longer going to be moping around in my pj's and being a cheapass about everything. She could breathe easy now too. I figured this called for celebration so I immediately fixed myself a ketel one cran and suggested we go out to eat somewhere. Initially I thought Chili's or Bennigans but as the drink relaxed me I thought of that long trip out to San Bruno or San Mateo and it just didn't seem worth it. Instead we went to Bacar, an upscale wine bar/restaurant a few blocks away. We each got the 3 course meal with 5 different wines paired with the appetizers and entrees. The jazz band was relaxing but groovy. The ambiance was amicable. The food and wine was pretty typical, nothing outstanding. However, I must commend them on the duck and chards sp?? The damage was fairly significant too but hey.. I've been a cheapass for an entire month. What the hell.



Whole Foods Market Open for Bizness!!!

Whole Foods market finally opened downstairs from my building. I had to hit it up as I've been fiending for a sandwich from them for months. Chicken breast on a sourdough loaf.. Not bad. I guess my boss was aware of the grand opening also as she submitted a pick-up request for tomorrow's meetings. As long as I can put it on the expense card... No prob. Glad to be at your service.

O yeah... I still have a job too.

Women Hacking 101

Woke up today feeling stronger than usual. That was after my third and finally successful attempt at climbing out of bed. If waking up don't kill you.. it'll make your stronger. Always remember that.

I read half of Women last night and that's enough to empower any troubled alpha male. Thanks Buk! I've somehow managed to fight off that damn flu. Am I really transforming into a samurai? Naw.. I think I owe it to the light excercise: the groovin on Sat night and the push ups from last night. Light excercise is always a good thing.. at any time. Always remember that.

One thing's for sure. My understanding of females has been all wrong all these years. This new understanding has been growing in me for quite some time now. Buk has only helped reinforce these ideals. I started noticing it upon deciding to become a meta hacker, a hacker of the metaphysical world. And unfortunately It's forced me explore the hacking of women ;-)The theory is this: successfully pulling a woman is about 60% confidence, 30% seductive ability, while the remaining 10% consists of other things almost insignificant: looks, money, selling skills, intelligence, etc. You can feel it walking down the street or walking into a club. Women notice it and and become magically drawn to confidence. The logical thinking woman will do her best of ward it off for they fear the power you bring to the table. The ability for you to make them lose control. The modern woman isn't supposed to fall prey to a 1-2 combo of confidence and seduction any more. It's not as socially acceptable as it used to be. However, it's inevitable that she'll submit, very willingly. They're genetically coded that way. You cater to two specific needs they long for: competence and intrique. Confidence displays competence, sometimes falsely. However, women's intuition can sniiff out a rat easily. That explains why you see so many women ridiculing these frauds. Seduction just leaves them intriqued. And Intrique is essential to freaky, bed-rattling sex.

Luckily, I don't have to put my theory to the test as I'm happily married. Just like Bill. Bill Gates that is, who scribbled code on paper.. he just knew it not only would compile, but would also execute.

DISCLAMERS
I'm sure there are many exceptions to the rule (i.e. lesbians, psychotics, etc).

Please note that I'm not sexist nor do I support all of Hank's methods of pursuit and capture... But yeah he has the right idea.

The Pinnacle of Fear

I still feel like a dead man walking as they still haven't told us shit. Supposedly it will be tomorrow or Thursday. All they said was to come in at 9-10am everyday for you must be present for the grim reaper. Everyone's got their own theories... I wish I could create propositions and take bets. R thinks it's overhyped and we should be left intact. G thinks 1-2 of us will be canned. F thinks mainly contractors will be canned. It seems that K, C, and I hold the most negative outlook... I just wanna win regardless of what happens so I'll hedge and bet big that I'm gone. Becoming pleasantly suprised isn't an option for me as I'll find something that'll get me down again anyways. fuck fuck fuck. I need to see a therapist.


Milk, one Crunk Club

Let's see what else... Friday night we ate at Cha Cha Cha in the Haight for MJ's b-day. Other than the 2 hour wait and the rude patrons at the bar the food was satisfying and very inexpensive. Afterwards we hit a club called Milk across the street. Now this was probably the biggest highlight of the weekend. A local hiphop group called Foreign Legion got the place crunk. Too bad they didnt play my jam.. Secret Agent Man. To my pleasant surprise the crowd was more mature than I orginally expected. I guess the FL attracts fans from their own demographic.. white, middle class, thirtysomethings from beyond the bridges and tunnels. Milk: fix them damn speakers tho.. they sound like ass. To that cute hoochie bartender in the back: be careful woman... i'm with my wife. Overall, we had a blast. We all danced for a couple hours.. something I haven't done in years. I even re-learned that dancing can help offset drunkeness. I'll keep that in mind.


Free Food Downstairs

Tonight we went to a grand opening party for the supermarket downstairs. We were supposed to pay 10 bux each but no one asked for money so we just walzed on in. I'm not cheap and I would've loved to pay but times are rough now and they may not have even taken a check from us (we didn't have the cash). Besides they'll be robbing us blind in a few days anyways. Anyways, they had all kinds of whores-de-vours going: bits of steak and lamb, different cheeses, pizza, sushi, and various deserts. Oh yeah, they had wine too. It was hardly enough though as they ran out of their cab right after I got a glass. Overall it was very gracious of them to throw the party.

I just picked up my 3rd Bukowski book: Women. Hopefully it'll counter this anxiety I'm stricken with.

Oh no.. not again.

My senses are picking up an invasion of a nasty flu-like symptoms. The chill I feel comes from within. The drowsiness is not from lack of sleep. And my lack of strength isn't due to a lack of strength. What happened to my once formidable immune system? By the power of the mighty samurai I will make myself heal....

blah blah blah its friday.

I'm still a stress sack
I still haven't worked out this year
I still can't sleep at night
I still can't wake up in the morning
I fiend for a drink
I'm on the verge of breakdown
But I'm reading Bukowski
So I don't give a fuck

I spent a few hours at the bookstore yesterday after work. It's my favorite place to be. Time ceases while I browse. I wouldn't mind being locked up in there for a year or so. Especially if time really did cease. And the cafe stayed open. I'd just sit there, drink coffee, smoke cigs and explore.

This entry won't be pretty.

I'm trapped in a dark moment in my life right now... The anxiety caused by work along with the realization that I can't trust anyone has really gotten under my skin. I've been drinking excessively. Unlike before though, when I used to just drink alot and party, it's been different as of late... I've been drinking to numb pain.

Work is one issue. I'm sure you've heard enough about that situation. No matter how much I complain about it deep down I know it's just a change. Possibly one for the best.

The idea of trust is another issue. It's screwed up. Why do I grant people trust by default? Have I always been like that? I'm pretty sure I haven't but what induced this change? Why do I think people have similar virtues as myself? I'm losing my fuckin edge here... Get it into your fucking skull... TRUST NO ONE... never.. even after they give you ten reasons to trust them.

To the punk azz that betrayed my trust. You aint my nuga.. you aint my boy. You'll feel it. How would you like it if I went and told your wife about your nasty substance abuse problem? To her you're a fuckin perfect angel. You're such a fucking sell out. Marry the wealthiest woman you could find, abandon your identity, say fuck you to everyone in the world and laugh because you're now sheltered forever... Pussy ass hoe.. you never could do anything for your damn self huh? I was your last homie. Where have they all gone? Ask yourself that...

To that cold-hearted bitch.. you know who you are. I should've fucked you every chance I had.. and that's plenty. You little slut-tramp-ass-whore. That's all you wanted huh? If I woulda broke you off everything would be kewl huh? Silly of me to think otherwise. I just wanted to put it behind is and become good friends again, that's it. Remember when you called me 'you're best friend'? Silly of me to think you were different from all these other skanky h0ez on my jock. Funny you tricked me into thinking otherwise considering you done fucked half of alief. You're only best friend is this dick h0e. Don't ever try to enter my life again. Fuck you dirty azz bitch.

werd up. Ok werd on the street is we will know our fate on Tuesday Jan 13. I wish it was today. I can't work with this crap hovering above me like this. Everything will be all good... Take a deep breath... Live by the moment... Live by the beat... Exhale.

I've been assigned to work on this LDAP/AD project. I notice others in my group sneering about it. I've seen them suddenly jump into other projects beforehand too. I can sense relief in their faces. I feel like I've been stuck with the old maid card. Hahaha. Who cares. At this point I'll take the hardest project they can devise. I'll offer to rewrite HP-UX from scratch if they wanted. At least I can append it to my resume.

Today I got into a discussion with an old friend who holds a truly opposite view of life than myself. He's 100% about money: making as much of it and accumulating as much as possible. That's kewl and all. I grok. But I don't believe that that type of lifestyle is worth it because the memories and good times lost from being a cheap-ass can never be regained. I mean what's the point of being an obscenely rich old fart lacking real world experience outside the daily grind?

I'm not a hardcore saver nor spender.. i sit somewhere in between. That's my balance. If that balance gets disturbed i get sick. That's all there is to it.

I can't complete this entry. Going across the street to meet a friend for a beer.