Ok its been awhile so please bear with me. I'm not in a good mood. Alot of things are not looking up. Our financial situation (everlasting increase of expenses), career (ever so stagnant), my fantasy football squads (i know i shouldn't care but i can't fuckin help it), and aging (appearance, etc). I mean, I should be able to talk about the negative aspects in my life too right? Well here goes...

Please note that I'm in the middle of Notes from Underground by Dostoevsky so if I sound sadistic and hopeless... that may have some involvement. I'll get over it.

Let start with fantasy football. That bullshit ass game where u draft nfl players and combine them into a team which accumulates points throughout the season based on each players actual stats. I've had 2 losing seasons now and a 3rd is in the works. I've never been an unlucky person before... so I can't explain this. I've changed my drafting strategy three times now and none of them work. The only thing I can point out is that each year I pick RB's that get injured badly or consistenly struggle. Six RB's now... same problem. In '01 I drafted Fred Taylor (out for the yr in game 1), and Stephen Davis (No OL, struggle, struggle). Last yr I had Curtis Martin (injury, big time struggle, and lost carries to LJordan) and Willie Green (didn't play well until after I dropped him in like week8 or some shit). And finally this year, Travis Henry (Hampered with injury, inconsistent) and Corey Dillon (injured since Week2). That makes me 0-6 in RB's in 3 years... what the hell?? Am I really that cursed? What did i do to deserve this?? I always believed in karma.. but what did i do?? I mean its just sports right? Was it that fucking 9 team parlay I won? But I was horrible before that too. For real.. this is very frustrating because I can't point out my fuckin problem. I can't fix what's invisible. DAYM.

Ok that was really all I wanted to unload... financial problems will always be there cuz I never will feel like I'm saving enough. Appearance is kewl.. I just need a fuckin haircut.

Ok.. chaos and disorganization are simply dominating my life. I'm not scared to admit it. Work is a mess. We're so understaffed.. and still would be if we had 2-3 more bodies. It doesn't help that I can't make it to work at a reasonable time although I still put in over 40 hours a week. Somethings gotta give...

Nonetheless, I've managed to stay in control or at least I've managed to trick myself into thinking I'm in control. who the fuck knows. The drink and the billiards definitely helps alot. Gotta go....

Yes I'm slacking again. You know, waking up around 11:30 and sneaking into the office around 1:00PM. How sad. How pitiful right? Wrong. There are legitimate reasons for my reduced production: I just finished my last lessons before midterms and I wanted to reward myself by taking it easy for awhile. Also, projects have been getting finished at work and I have been lifting weights pretty consistenly. On top of that, I been able to do some reading... some interesting reading in fact.

I'm currently reading three books right now: The Theory of Poker by Slansky, A Chef's Tour by Bourdain, and finally Post Office by Charles Bukowski. And at the moment I'm most intriqued by the latter. Possibly I see alot of myself in the protagonist, Harry Chinaski, who has problems with alcohol, women, and showing up to work on time. Possibly I yearn to live that lifestyle.. not giving a fuck by speaking my mind and drinking like a fish. In fact Harry is a hero to me. He is genuinely a good guy without an ounce of malice in his heart. He just wants to live life as free and hedonistic as possible. So do I...

Henry, Dillon likely to sit

It's week5 and this is what i have to deal with...