Thursday, March 23, 2006

Nerd Jokes

Tonight after work I've got plans to watch some UCLA vs Gonzaga, drink some drank, and chase some skirts. Once again... It's raining game in Northern California... Until then I'm forced to sit in on some lame conference calls in which technology buzzwords are being thrown around so effortlessly by a bunch of nerds.

To kill time and entertain myself I've found some really 31337 geek jokes:

- A CS student in his first semester may think a kilobyte contains 1000 bytes. In his last semester he will think that a kilometer contains 1024 meters.

- 1 + 1 = 10

- An engineer is walking down the street, and sees another guy from his lab walking along with a new bright red motorcycle. He's impressed, especially since his friend doesn't know how to ride a motorcycle, so he goes up and asks, "Wow, where'd you get that?"

His friend explains, "Well, I walk walking along, and this gorgeous blond drives up on the motorcycle, stops in front of me, strips her clothes off and tells me, 'Take what you want!'"

The engineer nods in understanding. "Good choice. Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

- A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house. The Physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate.". The Biologist: "They have reproduced". The Mathematician: "If now exactly one person enters the house then it will be empty again."

- Q- Who was the first computer technician?

A- Eve. She had an Apple in one hand and a Wang in the other.

- There are only 10 kinds of people in the world:
Those who know binary
And those who don't

- An engineer told me his favorite engineer joke:

One day, and engineer comes up to the gates of hell. The Devil takes a look at him and says, "Well, we've never had an engineer in hell before, but I guess we can take you in." So the engineer goes in.

After a few days, he comes up to the Devil and says, "I'm sure you've noticed, but it's really hot down here! What do you think of setting up a couple of refrigeration coils, getting an icebox set up so we could have iced drinks down here?" Now, the Devil hears this and says, "Why not? If you can set it up, go for it!"

So the engineer gets some tools together, works for a little bit, and sets up his little icecube maker, and soon the engineer, the Devil, and everyone else is enjoying ice cubes in their drinks, and everyone thinks it's a great improvement.

Couple of days later, the engineer comes back to the Devil and says, "Well, I'm impressed by how big Hell is - there are so many people here! But it takes so long to get from place to place - how about I install some people-movers? I can put in escalaters, elevators, moving ramps, the works!" The Devil takes a sip of his ice marguarita, and says, "Sure, give it a shot."

As the engineer works, the souls in Hell start getting around easier - there are elevators, escalators, all sorts of people-movers! It gets to be quite convenient to get around Hell.

After that project, the engineer comes up to the Devil and says, "I've been thinking about tackling the heat down here - ice drinks are all well and good, but it's still bloody hot! How about it?" The Devil at this point returns, "Anything you need, you got it!"

Two weeks later, the first stage of the cooling system goes on-line, and all the damned souls breath a sigh of relief as the heat wave finally breaks. At this point, God comes down to talk to the Devil, and tells him there's been a mistake: "That engineer you've got doesn't belong in Hell - he was meant for Heaven!"

Now, the Devil wasn't about to let his first engineer go! He returns, "Oh, come on - once he's in those gates, he's Mine! That's the way it works, and you know it!"

God tells him, "Well, you're just gonna have to return him! If you don't, I'll, I'll - I'll sue you, is what I'll do!"

The Devil knows he's won - he leans back, cocky as all hell, and asks, "Now, where you gonna find a Lawyer in Heaven?"

co /dev/pub/pint > /dev/girl
mv /dev/girl /dev/house
mount /dev/girl
y es
umount girl