Saturday, May 14, 2005

The Joys of Shopping (part 2)

Today I hit Macy's in search a new dress shirt and tie for a wedding we're attending this weekend. I like to dress nice but I don't wear ties or dress shirts too often so the semi-formal shit in my closet looks pimp albeit circa '98 pimp. I had planned on copping a new Zegna or Armani suit for the wedding but ran of time to shop around. So it looks like I'll be wearing my generic '98 cut suit. To compensate, I figured I'd treat myself to a slick Zegna or Armani shirt and tie instead.

I roamed around aimlessly on that annoying 1st floor of Macy's. I was getting hit up by every salesman around the Club Room and Alfani sections while getting blantantly ignored by every salesman in the vicinity of anything that said Hugo Boss and Versace. How distracting. I'm offended that these lamers who probably make less than 16-yr olds who work at In-and-Out burger would actually try to judge me. I pull out the ipod and throw my headphones on, figuring that would that would tell everyone to fuck the hell off. That new Geto Boys blared into my eardrums.

Anyways, I settle on this player $135 Zegna tie (figured I'd wear an old dress shirt in my closet). It screams powerful ex-cassanova, a witty sense of style, and a maxed out credit card. The low-rent Elton John scans it and peers into his screen with a look of skepticism. He sizes me up for a second then repeats the process. Finally, he asks me "Where did you find this?". I point in some arbitrary direction and hint to the butt-pirate that I'm in a hurry. I got bidness to take care of, ya know? He goes off about how beautiful the tie is blah blah blah and says there must be some mistake. He excuses himself and walks around trying to find an identical one.

I'm thinking, fuck... some scammer probably switched the price tag or something. These assmunches will probably try to accuse me of the act. I suddenly feel uncomfortable.

The dood returns with a manager, a low-rent Ellen Degeneres, and shows her how much the tie is ringing up for. They both stare in disbelief. Finally, Ellen helplessly nods and walks away shaking her head. I'm thinking kewl.. i saved 25% or some shit. Thats significant for a baller on a budget.

Elton finally states that I just lucked out and the register displays the damage: $10.85.

BWHAHAHA. You gotta be kidding me right? I asked the dood if I can't get several more in different styles and he shakes his head apparently pissed off that he didn't find this tie for himself. I realize I better bounce before someone catches the price tagging error so I hand the him 11 bux, grab my change, and get out to Stockton street as quickly as possible.