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Alright.. so I didn't lift any weights this morning. I think I woke up about 15 min before the usual time. Progression is still progression right? Tomorrow I'll wake up very early not to work out but because I have to join some people for lunch at Henry Hunans.

I've been thinking lately.. I need to start writing about enlightening experiences in my life instead of the same old daily grind (computer security, gambling, womanizing, fantasy football). It's not that it isn't cool or interesting, because it surely is. It's just that its not something worth recording. In 5-10 years from now that type of crap really won't matter. I'll just read it and scratch my head wondering what I was thinking... so theres really no point. There are exceptions though... some of those experiences are just too damn good not to mention and are in fact very substantial.

I've been out of my regular groove lately. I haven't worked out in a week or so and I've been sleeping too damn much. I may be coming down with something. Possibly the same thing my wife had. I guess after 3 nights of hardcore partying can make any 30yr old feel a little under the weather... Hopefully I'm just imagining things and it'll pass in a few hours.

I just started reading The Story of My Life by Giacomo Casanova. The man was a true hedonist... alot like yours truly. I can definitely relate to his keen sensitivity to pleasure. Being a true playa comes from deep down inside.. it's not something that you can teach yourself.

On the blowing my scrilla front, I decided to let go and drop $155 on some white/red/black Air Max 95's. Yeah it's a baller type shoe (with a lower case "b") and it wasn't really in the budget but damn I need some new tight kicks to floss. Anyways I can't wait to receive them.

Going to sleep now.. and I am waking up at 7am to lift some weights.

"I'm so cool when I go to sleep sheep count me"
--Don "Pinky" Pincus in Heist

It's Thursday. I've got a pseudo day off tomorrow (meaning i have a few things to work on but otherwise I'm free). Maybe I'll hit the gym for a while and buy some new kicks. That's the life dawg.

It's the end of the year.. so I'm pretty excited about the near future. I've got a trip to Phoenix and H-Town again next month. It's snowboarding season again too. I can't wait to hit Caesar's Tahoe and parlay like a degenerate. That's the life of Sun... a man of leisure.

I just returned from H-Town. Considering how much I partied (pretty much every night) I feel pretty refreshed. Couldn't stop .. Wouldn't stop!!! I guess seeing old friends has that effect on me. Either that or I'm completely to immune to the rigors of partying. I even look and feel younger it seems but I guess H-Town just has that effect on me. I feel like a horny 16 yr old. hahaha. Maybe the humidity has some sort of age defying effect there's some kind of aphrodisiac present in that air... I know the women there don't look that much better than they do here. Who knows.. why analyze if further. All I know is I have my December trip circled on the calendar.

CAN'T STOP WON'T STOP.

Have you ever noticed that a lot of hackers are so self masochistic? How else can you explain their unflinching and extreme desire to get into that prized system at all costs and no matter how long it takes. It's a sickness. There's an exquisite pleasure that comes from countless attempts at penetration. And once we finally get in euphoria is no where to be found. It's happened to me time and time again. We just move on to the next target. Is it worth it?? Yes, I wouldn't have it any other way.

However since I'm a little more well rounded now in other aspects of life such as psychology and the bigger picture of things, certain principles have enabled me to continue to do what I do without getting stuck in some vicious cycle of trial and error forever. Okam's Law is a helpful rule to live by: only do exactly what is need to get into that elusive server... nothing more... nothing less. Otherwise, time and energy will be lost forever and that's something you can NEVER recover. Don't ever forget that.

Ok its been awhile so please bear with me. I'm not in a good mood. Alot of things are not looking up. Our financial situation (everlasting increase of expenses), career (ever so stagnant), my fantasy football squads (i know i shouldn't care but i can't fuckin help it), and aging (appearance, etc). I mean, I should be able to talk about the negative aspects in my life too right? Well here goes...

Please note that I'm in the middle of Notes from Underground by Dostoevsky so if I sound sadistic and hopeless... that may have some involvement. I'll get over it.

Let start with fantasy football. That bullshit ass game where u draft nfl players and combine them into a team which accumulates points throughout the season based on each players actual stats. I've had 2 losing seasons now and a 3rd is in the works. I've never been an unlucky person before... so I can't explain this. I've changed my drafting strategy three times now and none of them work. The only thing I can point out is that each year I pick RB's that get injured badly or consistenly struggle. Six RB's now... same problem. In '01 I drafted Fred Taylor (out for the yr in game 1), and Stephen Davis (No OL, struggle, struggle). Last yr I had Curtis Martin (injury, big time struggle, and lost carries to LJordan) and Willie Green (didn't play well until after I dropped him in like week8 or some shit). And finally this year, Travis Henry (Hampered with injury, inconsistent) and Corey Dillon (injured since Week2). That makes me 0-6 in RB's in 3 years... what the hell?? Am I really that cursed? What did i do to deserve this?? I always believed in karma.. but what did i do?? I mean its just sports right? Was it that fucking 9 team parlay I won? But I was horrible before that too. For real.. this is very frustrating because I can't point out my fuckin problem. I can't fix what's invisible. DAYM.

Ok that was really all I wanted to unload... financial problems will always be there cuz I never will feel like I'm saving enough. Appearance is kewl.. I just need a fuckin haircut.

Ok.. chaos and disorganization are simply dominating my life. I'm not scared to admit it. Work is a mess. We're so understaffed.. and still would be if we had 2-3 more bodies. It doesn't help that I can't make it to work at a reasonable time although I still put in over 40 hours a week. Somethings gotta give...

Nonetheless, I've managed to stay in control or at least I've managed to trick myself into thinking I'm in control. who the fuck knows. The drink and the billiards definitely helps alot. Gotta go....

Yes I'm slacking again. You know, waking up around 11:30 and sneaking into the office around 1:00PM. How sad. How pitiful right? Wrong. There are legitimate reasons for my reduced production: I just finished my last lessons before midterms and I wanted to reward myself by taking it easy for awhile. Also, projects have been getting finished at work and I have been lifting weights pretty consistenly. On top of that, I been able to do some reading... some interesting reading in fact.

I'm currently reading three books right now: The Theory of Poker by Slansky, A Chef's Tour by Bourdain, and finally Post Office by Charles Bukowski. And at the moment I'm most intriqued by the latter. Possibly I see alot of myself in the protagonist, Harry Chinaski, who has problems with alcohol, women, and showing up to work on time. Possibly I yearn to live that lifestyle.. not giving a fuck by speaking my mind and drinking like a fish. In fact Harry is a hero to me. He is genuinely a good guy without an ounce of malice in his heart. He just wants to live life as free and hedonistic as possible. So do I...

Henry, Dillon likely to sit

It's week5 and this is what i have to deal with...