Friday Quickies

How about this email:

"Please log into TMORG, the 3rd morg server in the redundant triad."

I'm a fairly geeky UNIX/Security guy and i have no idea what a "redundant triad" is. Whatever it is, it makes me feel like I'm on Star Trek.

Feeling Better

I've been feeling a little under the weather lately. Symptoms are slight vertigo, muscle aches, migranes. Although they still persist I just noticed that after completing ECO lesson 12 the symptoms have subsided somewhat. Stress related sickness? Let's hope so.

NetFlix Revisited

We'll.. due to some unresolvable satellite problems ;-) we no longer have a shitload of movies every week. And as you may or may not know, giving up 900+ DirectTV is harder than giving up that smack. I've signed us up for NetFlix again. Hopefully it helps alleviate the withdrawal effects.

Here's whats in the queue:

1. The Matrix: Revolutions (yup.. i can't believe i haven't seen it yet either)
2. Seven Samurai
3. The Office (Series 1 and 2)
4. The Decalogue (Disc 1)
5. Tales of Ordinary Maddness
6. Rear Window
7. Dinner Rush
8. The Decalogue (Discs 2 and 3)

werd.

Motorcycle Driveby

I love this song.. It plays in my head during my waking hours... I wouldn't have it any other way. I can't think of any other song that I can relate to one hundred percent:

Motorcycle Driveby - Third Eye Blind
Summer time and the wind is blowing, outside in lower chelsea.
And I don’t know what I’m doing in this city,
The sun is always in my eyes,
It crashes through the windows, and I’m sleeping on the couch,
When I came to visit you,
That’s when I knew that I could never have you,
I knew that before you did,
Still I’m the one who’s stupid
And there’s this burning, like there’s always been,
I’ve never been so alone, and I’ve never been so alive.

Visions of you on a motorcycle drive by,
The cigarette ash flies in your eyes, and you don’t mind, you smile,
And say the world doesn’t fit with you.
I don’t believe you, you’re so serene.
Careening through the universe, your axis on a tilt, you’re guiltless and free,
I hope you take a piece of me with you,
And there’s things I’d like to do that you don’t believe in,
I would like to build something, but you’d never see it happen
And there’s this burning, like there’s always been,
I’ve never been so alone, and i’ve, I’ve never been so alive,

And there’s this burning, ah ha, there was this burning. aye yie yie

Where’s the soul. I want to know, new york city’s evil.
The surface is everything, but I could never do that,
Someone would see through that.
And this is the last time, we’ll be friends again.
And I’ll get over you ,you’ll wonder, who I am.
And there’s this burning, just like there’s always been,
I’ve never been so alone, alone, and i’ve, and i’ve, I’ve never been so alive, so alive

I go home to the coast. it starts to rain, I paddle out on the water alone,
Taste the salt and taste the pain. I’m not thinking of you again,
Summer dies and swells rise, the sun goes down in my eyes, see this rolling wave, darkly coming to take me, home,
And I never been so alone, and I’ve never been so alive.

On Alphaness

Have your ever thought that maybe as alpha young'uns we learned that certain non-alpha-type actions got us what we wanted. Sometimes we were able to actually get pussy by being 'confidants' for women first. Or we were able to mack women by playing the shy/weird artist type dood. Those techniques, while highly effective in the early to mid-nineties, just don't work as well any more. The first explanation for this has to do with age/maturity. Those beta techniques don't work with experienced women who've been through insufficiently alpha males. Secondly, geographical location plays a part in this too. I live in a city where an abnormally large part of the male population is beta (or even below beta). Bottom line, straight, pursuing women just desire more dominant alpha males more. Anways, I believe since some of us learned wrong early on it's affected how we act now. We must unlearn.

Go Rox

I don't know why I even care so much but I'm overly excited about the Rox game vs the Lakers tonight. We look discouraged and we're playing agains the red hot Lakes. The stage is set down in good ole H-Town. We're down 0-2 after losing a heartbreaker in game 1 and getting blown out game 2. Vegas' line is LAL -1.5. Kobe's defense has been dealt a strong blow in his rape case... will he be affected by it? Why is the late money steadily pouring in on the Lakers side? Can the Rockets dig deep and will themselves to victory? Can they limit the turnovers and play solid defense while trying to put 90 points on the board? I dunno... but I'm terribly excited and adrenaline is pumping as if I'm about to engage in a crucial battle.

Tipoff is in 2 1/2 hours. Hooters, Fisherman's Wharf is the battleground. *gulp*

Anyways, I gotta hit the gym.. to settle these nerves...

Blueprint Hacking

My subconsious is still tormented
Those obscure objects of desire
I just wish they'd let me be
Let me focus on living righteously
Let me focus on living free

I realize I'm cursed by my genetic makeup. Everything, my thoughts, actions, consequences stem largely from my genetic makeup. My mother's heart and patience, my father's analytical skill... At the same time I've acquired my mother's alcoholism, her indecisiveness, and her poor vision of reality. As far as my Father's bad traits, there really aren't any serious ones... except possibly overcautiousness.

Is it possible to change the your blueprint? Could I somehow cause a during-my-life mutation of my genes? Hell I dunno.. I aint no genticist.

But I do know one thing for sure... I'm a true hacker as defined by my genetic code as well. I can make systems do what they weren't designed to do. After all, isn't the human mind just a complex system too?

The Art of Selling Fake Jordans

I found some MJ signed Jordan X's for sale on ebay. Opening price was $29.00 USD. This was the description:

"these shoes are brand new in the box, never been worn or tried on. It has very strongly characteristic of sport. You will full of energy When you possess it. Welcome to sportunlimited ,hope you select satisfied items.Any question please email to trading@china.com."

I've always been astounded by native Cantonese/Mandarin literally translated to English ever since I first read Yao Ming's interviews. It's amazing that they can even make a description for some fake kicks sound like an ancient Chinese proverb...


Used and Abused

Here's CoquetteBitch's latest blog entry:

Monday, April 19, 2004

"history (does not always) repeat itself..."

-for those who do not believe that i learn from my mistakes, shame on you.

one thing that i can admit to is that i tend to act on impulse and sometimes forget to consider the consequences or the impact of my actions. (on some occasions) i have to confess that i am somewhat spiteful. i spent thursday at work contemplating whether or not a vacation was worth the repercussions that lay ahead. as much as i needed that time away, i chose us over myself. i hope my decision to stay leads to relationship filled w/ trust and truth.

Now how should I comprehend this? This whole time I was utilized as a tool. She realizes her "clock" is ticking and she's pulling out all the stops to get her ex to regain trust in her. She fucking used me... again.

Heartbreak Hotel

That low key Saturday night finally manifested itself last night as M (not that M... she's waaay cuter though) went over to my homie's house to bbq and catch game 1 of the Rockets game versus those bitch ass Lakers. We were both pretty beat from consecutive decadent weekends and a strenuous week at work (have I ever mentioned I have the same schedule as a nurse?). To keep a long story short we watched an ugly but close game in which our beloved Rox lost by one point. Either this game shows them they can actually hang with the Lakers or it will bring down their spirits. I suspect it'll be the latter but we'll tune in tomorrow to find out. We drank some beers, ate some ribs and smoked a little mary jane. Overall it was a pleasurable low key night. I probably would've invited her up afterwards but i dunno.. she just didn't turn me on enough.

Depths of My Mind

So yeah.. it's late Sunday night and in the back of my mind I am considering what happens next. Does she disappear from the face of the yahoo messenger earth? Does she log in to taunt me? It really doesn't matter because I'm done. How should I play either scenario? I do know one thing for sure... Coquette Whore's actions will not affect me. It just sucks because I am, by design and genetic makeup, curious as fuck. I've always believed I could fix anything or even make things (or in this case humans) do what they weren't designed to do. Can I restrain myself? Yeah, no sweat.. as long as she doesn't provoke me. I'm pretty sure she won't since I know she's pretty disgusted too. Besides, I'm sure she's still bitter that I hung up on her twice. Stupid Bitch. Bye Bye.

On Seduction

Honestly, I won't miss her. However, I will miss trying to seduce her. I no longer have that sparing partner, that testing environment before I hit the bars/lounges. The drudgery of work will hurt without someone to seduce. It I worked at a club or bar things would be different. I could do this shit all day. Is a change of careers inevitable in the near future? Until I find something that could beat my current income I doubt it. It just sucks that I'm still so inclined to try to fuck other women. Seriously I'm at a crossroads... only time will tell how I adapt.

On Infidelity

I was chillin w/ my homie G last night and in my drunken stupor I told him about my problem with women. I explained that my problem actually goes beyond knee-jerk reactions since some of my actions are premeditated and even carefully planned. Yeah he knows I'm married, that I do truly love my wife and I have no plans to ever leave her... doesnt' everyone know that? He knows I'm not usually afflicted with issues of morality but that's exactly what this was. Old Wise G said... "You can't help it. It's something you're born with. It's very common in Filipinos too as our ancestors were notorious for extramarital affairs. We probably got it from the Spanish". By no means does this qualify as justification for my actions... but it does make a little sense. It probably is in my blood and part of my natural instinct.

Hella Stupid at Rich's 93

Honestly... what would Bukowski done if he was around in its prime? So yeah I'm fucked up. And as soon I get on this computer I lose my complete train of thought. Could Bu have survived during the times? Where maddness is a click or keystroke away. I don't doubt it one bit... but the other shit that this 'connectivity' would of fucked up his world. More thoughts woulda been on his mind. Sensory overload. Imagine the number of IM's he would get? How would he have handled life in these times. This is coming to you from a man... a grown ass man living in the 00's in a city where morality takes lesser precedence. Mind you I try. I try to be a lover.. a true romantic. But it just aint there. Not right now. The "scene" just isn't conducive to what I want or what I'm looking for. This weekend was supposed to be hooked up. She tricked me again... I allowed her to trick me again. She's that damn elusive carrot that's been dangling in front of me for almost half my life. This has to stop. I'm drawing the line. Just like I've drawn it numerous times before except this one's permanent. There's only one way I come back and that's if she pays me back that insignificant 238. It aint about the money. We both have the money. It's nothing to either of us. But the money represents respect. The respect that I've been blindingly giving her for years that she has never ever deserved.

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D-Day

By tomorrow night at exactly 4:30PST I should know the real deal. Today she finally she opened up to me a little. I got the idea that she really is coming barring some crazy stuff doesn't go down from now until then. To all you wannabe PUA's out there, that funny/cocky technique does in fact work. It truly does cause a woman to relax. We'll see what goes down tomorrow.


Vertigo Persists

I had to make another appointment with a doctor for Friday at 2:30 because I can't seem to shake this vertigo and ear cloggedness. Why am I always afflicted with this? It's not serious. I mean I can function properly but its still a nuisance.

No Surprise here

I can already tell I'm in for a serious letdown. All the signs are there: she's methodically avoiding me online, excuses are more and more abundant (she's catching a cold, etc), she's ignoring my WAP messages. I know she's stressed out about it and it probably consumes her but she's going to take the easy way out. She's going to be a no show for our ill-advised rendezvous. Her justification will be this: it was an evil idea from the get go so the evil act of not showing up will be acceptable too. Possibly this is the best thing that could happen to me... who knows. But as of right now... i'm a little hurt. I mean, just blew $240 and this will ruin our friendship... again. That's it... I quit. I'm hanging it up. I should be over it in 3-4 days.

Another Dumbass Move

We'll it looks like I've managed to do it again. A little background: I've been suffering from vertigo all week, I've been stressed about work, school, taxes, and this upcoming rendezvous (that is looking more and more doubtful). I was extremely anxious to get really tore up with these doods. And what happens... once again yours truly has found a way to get totally hammered and make a fool of himself and... put lives in danger. Friends from HTown and NYC were in town: D, A, R, R and M. We decide to hit up Ruby Skye on Thursday (god only knows why). I had to work on some servers until about 11:20 and for some strange reason I really wanted to get drunk with these fools. Anyways to keep a long story short I proceed to out drink everyone and attempt to drive them to Sparkys for a late night bite to eat. I swear I felt fine when we first got in the car. I also wanted to scare them a little too.. very dumb. Anyways I run a red light, swerve a few times, and almost hit an oncoming car head on. Needless to say, they were extremely pissed that night and initially I figured it cast a cloud over the rest of the weekend.

Although I think they actually forgave me for almost killing them and we had alot of fun the rest of the weekend, it had a direct effect on my level of confidence. I felt overly self-conscious and I just couldn't be my usual funny/confident self. By the way... I've learned that sudafed could contribute to depression as well. I aint taking that crap any more.

Some Ballsy Predictions

Can you believe I'm sitting here in my dirty cubicle late on a Sunday night? Yup, it's the 3rd consecutive Sunday I've spent with my collegues banging away at code. It feels like Saturday dentention back in high school except there are no little hoochies in short skirts to engage me. Will this end soon?? Am I starting to lose it? One thing's for sure, this is totally hosing up the rest of my week. I've cut back on turning in school lessons (in the middle of crunch time no less) and I've turned to the bottle to keep me sane. Will I get through this unscathed? Yeah.... not only yeah.. but HELL YEAH i will. No fuckin sweat. Everything is under control. I promise... School: locked. Taxes: done deal. M: Yeah I'm hittin dat (j/k). I owe it all to confidence in myself.