Tuesday, January 06, 2004

I'm not sure what's come over me lately but I've become more introspective. I just haven't been as care free and happy-go-lucky as my usual self. What the fuck? I'm not depressed. I don't really feel ill. I'm not broke. The sex has been more back-breaking and passionate than in a long while.

I do however feel this uncontrollable need to satisfy certain intellectual and spiritual cravings. I've been obssessed with things others usually ignore.. the insignificant things that make us happy such as a good coffee (sometimes irish) and interesting conversation. Also, we tend to forget how important loyal and honest people are... That's the kind of people I want to surround myself by. People I can let my guard down and just be honest with and share our trials and tribulations with, without fear of backlash.. to cleanse my soul a bit.

And no I'm not talking about needing to attend AA meetings hehehe. I can honestly say I'm not an alcoholic. Isn't alcohol a means to an end for current AA members? I enjoy drinking excessively, yes, but by no means am I dependent on it. My current goal seems be longing for a philosiphical examination of life. It's not my fault that imbibing encourages this. It helps with my soul searching efforts doesn't it? I can have an intellectual conversation with or without a drink that's for sure. But a couple glasses of bourbon will certainly expedite this... It ain't my fault thats how it is.

The endorphins released from rigorous excercise produces a similar feeling to me. It also enables a false sense of bravado and causes one to release certain chemicals to the female species. Drinking moderately does the same for me.. but in addition I truly believe it brings me to another level intellectually. Don't laugh. I'm dead serious. Please notice that I emphasize the word "moderately" here. Because going past a certain limit leads to belligerent and chaotic behavior. The key is to get into that "zone" and stay in it the same way an athlete does. It's very tricky... but if Peyton Manning can do it.. so can I. After all drinking is a sport.. and I'm the Peyton Manning of this league.